Deals Done in the Loo

Yesterday, I got a call from a gastroenterologist at a major pediatric hospital here in town. He had a problem celiac patient that he wanted to refer to me. Now, I shall hereafter refer to this doctor as Dr. Blip, because he did all this on the sly. You see, they have their own dietitians, so, you know, gotta be careful and all that. But, really, I mostly just like writing the word, "Dr. Blip".

Anyway, Dr. Blip calling me was a MAJOR event. To insure that it didn't get messed up by screaming in the background, I took the necessary precautions...go upstairs, and lock the bedroom door (that should keep 'em out!) Dr. Blip and I were talking, things were rocking right along, he was giving me patient info over the phone, I was doing my utmost to sound smart and professional.

From my non-phone ear, I heard an altercation downstairs between Seth and Blane. These occur at 5-minute intervals at our house (I'm almost not exaggerating that much when I say that). I could hear the crying coming closer. So I ran to our bathroom and shut the door (still talking to Dr. Blip).

Now we have no lock on the master bathroom door, of course. I knew that at minimum, Blane would start banging on the bedroom door. More probably, he would rotate the keyhole with his finger and open the door on his own. At that point, I would have to hold the bathroom door shut with one hand.

The worst scenario came true. He breeched the bedroom door and started for the bathroom. He was pulling on the door and crying, "MOOOOOOMMMMM....MOOOOOOOMMMMMM!"

Dr. Blip was in the middle of a fascinating sidebar about a new blood test for celiac. All this while I was barring the door with all my might against a 4 year old and praying the doctor didn't hear the commotion.

Dr. Blip seemed to be unfazed and I did my sales pitch...love to come see you...drop off my referral pads...etc. He laughed a bit and told me in so many words that the situation was a bit delicate for him and he'd call me when he needed me. I was happy with that. Blane still was not.

After I got off the phone, I held Blane and told him he could NOT come in when the door was locked. Ah, the perils of conducting business at home!