Eight Years and Holding

"Your baby blues, so full of wonder
Your curly cues, your contagious smile
And as I watch, you start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight
Knowing
Storms will rage and
Clouds will race in
But you will be safe
In my arms."

"In My Arms"
Plumb

Today is the 8th anniversary of the terrorist attack on our country. Tonight we all watched a compilation of videos shot in New York as the towers were attacked and felled. Even eight years hence, the fear was acute. It spread out from that TV and affected all of us. We want the kids to know that there is evil. We want them to know why we fight. And Scott and I remembered how we felt on that day.

We were in our rental house in Idaho. I woke up to the bright sunshine and the phone. "Turn on the TV," said Scott. "Planes flew into the World Trade Towers."

Seth was a tiny, 5 months old. I grabbed him, went to the living room and flipped on the TV. I don't know how long I sat, and really don't remember all the feelings I had right at that moment. I saw at least one, maybe both of the Towers come down. At the time, I was oblivious to how long it would take to evacuate a building of that size....really, I thought everyone was probably out. So as the tower crumbled, I thought, "There goes man's monument, crashing to the ground." There was no realization at the time that there were people trapped in there. It was Babel's Tower to me in that raw moment. Only later did I learn.

Zac couldn't understand any of it; he could barely talk at the time. So his beautiful, crystal morning continued while I watched and held my baby. I ran to get gas...I didn't know if we'd be able to get it later. I went to a shower that night for a friend. Her mother prayed, "Lord, we don't know what has happened, but we leave it in Your All-Capable Hands." The words stuck with me..."All Capable". I wanted to believe that, but it was hard.

The days that followed were eerie. We lived on one of the highest ridges or "benches", as the locals call them, on the south side of Boise proper. All flights came over our house, but the skies were silent for two weeks, as you all know. It felt like forever--missing those sounds. But I could stand out in the yard and watch the F-16s scream overhead (they really do scream) as they scrambled out of Gowen Field to our east. It was majestic and awe inspiring. I wondered if we would have to fight. I wondered if I would have to fight, for our very home. Now it seems silly, but we all know that then, it wasn't a crazy thought. None of us knew what was coming. But I decided, in those weeks, I would fight...to the death if I had to.

I wondered if my boys would go to war. How could this be solved quickly? This wasn't some country we could march in and defeat. It was nebulous and murky. There was no assurance the threat would ever go away.

So much has come and gone, and yet we live today, still free and prospering. Tonight I wondered if it was too much for the boys. "No," said Scott, "this is life. They need to know."

They do. But a child's loss of innocence, destroyed in chunks as the realities of our fallen world smashes against it, is still hard for a parent to watch. And I can't protect them completely. I can't keep them safe in my arms alone. But I am learning, slowly but steadily, He is. All-capable, all-sufficient. Above it all and utterly in control. I don't understand much at all and I doubt so often, but I cling to that hope for myself and my boys. Every day in good or bad. I hope they too will feel His arms underneath, holding them.

Swimmin Seth

Since Zac and Seth have been back, we've been working more intensely on improving Seth's swimming. He's taken three private instructor lessons this month with fantastic results.

While we were in Texas, Seth discovered the magic of swimming goggles. I guess the eye-opening part of swimming underwater has been part of his hesitation. At Mike Avery's pool, he slapped on a pair of goggles and saw a whole new world. So we ran quickly to the store after we got back home and bought him some.

Three sessions later, our boy who previously was loathe to stick his head underwater was going off the diving board with a noodle under his arms. He still needs to work on the mechanics of breathing, but he can actually submerge and ambulate now. The next Micheal Phelps (minus the bong).

Grandparent Tour

I guess I should start with the older boys' Grandparent tour. Last summer, of course, they went to the Harndens for B-ball camp for one week. Mom and Dad were still in the condo, so we did not do the McGregor side last year. I remember being glad to see them when we picked them up, but at the same time thinking, "Wow, that was quick!"

Well, this year, we doubled the time they were gone. Greg and Susie had them again for HU B-ball camp, then the four grandparents rendezvoused south of Little Rock for the hand-off on Sunday. Mom and Dad kept them at the farm for the following week, then we went down for a long weekend to pick them up.

The first week was (funny enough) their "city" week--I'll explain that in a minute. Lots of basketball camp, swimming and building of Legos. The boys even had a day and a night they had to spend with just Papa, while Nana was on an overnight conference for her work. All I know is there were lots of peanut butter, cottage cheese, McDonald's and ESPN involved. Papa survived and the boys had a great time.

As I mentioned, the grandparents traded out at a Cracker Barrel in Benton, AR, on Sunday. Mom and Dad took them home to the farm, starting their "country" week (since it was more countrified than Searcy, I made Searcy the "city" week).

Dad had them in straw hats and picking blueberries that night when they got home. Over the course of the next week, they camped, swam, picked lots of berries, fished and built birdhouses. When we arrived on Thursday night, the boys looked glowing and happy, just like you should when you are kids in the summer. I even got a real hug out of Zac!

We had a fantastic weekend with our family before we headed home on Sunday. Ben and his family came up on Saturday, so all the kids were able to hang out together. Over the course of the weekend, we went to Bodacious BBQ, Caddo Lake, went swimming, checked out the Robertson's amazing farm next door and worshipped together on Sunday with so many of my old friends and parents of friends.

Did I think the two weeks went too fast? Well, the first week was busy and went by very quickly. But as we entered the second week, I started really longing for those little guys. Blane was very lonely, even though it's usually a daily throw-down with Seth here in the summer. All three of us were ready to be reunited by the time Thursday came. What would I do without my guys if it was the whole summer?

I'm so glad we have two sets of grandparents who love and enjoy my precious boys so much! Next year, it might be time to send Blaney along with them. Then what will I do?

Hello again

Yes, we're still around. It's been kinda a crazy summer, but I guess that's always the case! I'll try to catch up with events, now that we only have about 3 weeks left before school starts.

Life Skills and 5-card Draw

They say summer days are lazy, but not for us. We seem to be pretty packed from morning til night. Part of that is swimming lessons for these first two weeks (which pretty much absorb our whole morning), but we are also really racheting up with chores and learning life skills this summer.

Each day, the boys have their daily chores (for which we've started a point system by which they can earn their allowance). On top of that, we have a chore focus for 6 days of the week. These are life skill sorts of things--laundry on Monday, meal planning, shopping and prep on Tuesday, weeding and yardwork, cleaning out the bonus room, bathroom and other chores. On top of that, we will have special projects, which will allow the boys to earn extra money in additon to their allowances--cleaning out closets, raking up leaves, etc.

But there's time for play too. We are planning a day trip to Fort Osage in July--we've checked out several books on Lewis and Clark at the library and are trying to read up on that. We watched Disney's Treasure Island that we checked out from the library as well. We'll make some time for playdates, maybe catch a matinee one of these afternoons and go to "Old McDonald's" for hot fudge sundaes.

Today, Zac wanted to learn a card game. Before the school year ended, he "bought" (with Briarwood "Bucks") a deck of cards (cut into the shape of a flip flop) and asked me how to play a card game.

Well, most of the card games I know (not many) need 4 competent players. We had 3...and that third one was a bit on the edge :) So I thought we'd try poker. Yeah, yeah, I know you're supposed to have 4, but the stakes weren't high: plastic pirate men. That's the only thing we could find in quantity to gamble with.

Now, I have only played poker a handful of times, so I am no expert. Fortunately, Zac pulled out his trusty "Dangerous Book for Boys" book, which had the rules for 5-card draw, plus nicely illustrated examples of all the card combos. Perfect. We put our initial pirates in the pot and went around the table. Unfortunately, the boys learned after one go-around that folding meant you lose, and I won the pot with a pair of aces. I briefly explained the concept of bluffing, and dealt again. I had to fold because I had nothing, but Seth won the next pot of pirates with three of a kind.

At that point we had to put away our game to fold laundry, but the guys got kinda hooked. As long as they play for pirates, I'm fine with it. I just better not find them gambling away their allowance at Argosy.

Swimming in the Ole' Swimmin' Hole

It's that time of year again...time for sunscreen and towels that smell like chlorine. School was out on May 27th and we started swimming lessons on June 1.

Zac is in Level 3 this year. He's getting into the real stuff...the freestyle, backstroke, diving, butterfly. We lucked out big time because he is only one of two kids in his class. So he's practically getting private lessons for the group price. He has really blossomed this year and I've seen a huge improvement in his swimming technique. A natural pool rat, he loves to be in the water and would be happy to while away hours at the pool.

Seth and Blane are in the beginners class, Levels 1/2 (Zac wanted me to put in the distinction that Blane is in Level 1 and Seth is in Level 2). Unfortunately, we did not luck out on numbers in that class. I was secretly horrified when 7 preschoolers and a 6 year old showed up. The poor little lifeguard did her best but she was simply outnumbered.

The next day she had reinforcements--a second lifeguard came to help. This made a big difference, but it's still a large class--10 (sometimes 11) kids, all but two who are under 5.

Seth is more comfortable in the water this year, but he's still struggling with getting his head wet. He just hates it, and that's really the thing that is holding him back. We told him that his goal for the summer was to feel comfortable just going under--no strokes necessary. We put the fire under him by offering incentives for his hard work. The last two sessions he has made a concerted effort to get his whole head wet, which is a big improvement for him. I think if we can just get him comfortable with being under the water, the strokes will follow with much more ease.

Mr. B is learning, but is basically just blowing bubbles and kicking at this point. I think we may try a later session this summer, when the class sizes are typically smaller. For Seth, we'll probably do some private lessons after the Grandparents Tour.

Life

As I've stated before, this is not a political blog. I write things down so that those who love my boys can catch a glimpse of their lives, whether to laugh or cry. Besides, I don't really think anyone else wants to really read my views--one of thousands out there. What makes my thinking on those subjects unique?

But this is a topic that moves me, because it does, in a way, relate to them.

The murder of George Tiller, the famous late term abortion provider in Wichita, has been a hot news item in the national and local news (the suspect was apprehended here in KC). Violence against abortion clinics and abortion doctors always angers me--is there anything less pro-life than murder, even if it is someone you disagree with? The egregiousness reaches sky-high levels when you read that he was shot at church, with his wife and friends present. This cannot be tolerated; the man who did this should be brought to full justice.

Last night we were watching TV as this case was discussed, and the commentator mentioned that Dr. Tiller had terminated 60,000 fetuses in his career. Pro-choice or pro-life, this number is enough to take the breath away. Even more, Dr. Tiller was one of only 3 late-term abortion providers in the country. In my understanding, abortion after viability is rarely considered "medically necessary" by those who are pro-choice.

Now, how does that relate to my boys? I will speak kindly, but truthfully, from my heart, because I know that there are those I love who disagree on this political football. Sixty thousand...such information makes me want to retch and curl up in a ball and cry. Now the issue is not a theoretical or abstract moral issue for me, because I carried three lives inside. If I was ever unconvinced by the argument that life begins at conception and is not mine to take, I personally can be so no longer having felt life (13 weeks each time) move inside me.

What hurts even more is that some (most likely, good sized) percentage of this babies were terminated at or beyond the gestational age of others kept alive in isolettes around the country.

This is why, more than ever, I support life. And I see, every day, the lives of the ones God has given me, children full of wonder, creativity, laughter, flaws---utterly and fully human. Lives that are gifts. I can only weep for the children of those others. I pray for those families who lost those little lives at the same time I pray for the family of Dr. Tiller. It is all I can do.