This Vale of Tears

And now, the processing begins.

The boys have lost great-grandparents before, two prior.  Losing Grandma Joann was not tragic and only momentarily a surprise.  The circumstances surrounding her death could hardly be more ideal...an apparently peaceful passing, independent living up until the day she died, nearly all the family in town for Thanksgiving.

And yet, it was different.  Blane found her.  It changes the situation for all of us, but especially for him.

He was his normal, happy, 9-year-old self last night with the family.  Skipping, drawing, gliding from family member to family member to show them his cartoons.  "He was a trouper," said Uncle Michael, "and I wouldn't say that unless it was really true."

But...this is not a small thing.

Last night, he was snuggled in bed, Zac beside him (since Jay was in Zac's room).  "Mom," he said, "I'm freaked out.  I saw a dead body."  He didn't know if he could sleep.

The human condition--how did we become so sheltered from it?  I cannot, should not, shield my boys.  Far greater suffering is ahead, likely tragedy and the brutal injustice of life.  It cannot be brushed aside; it must be faced.

I told him it was completely normal to be freaked out.  This life is hard.  But this is not where we will stay. We have hope; these are "light and momentary troubles" compared to eternity, to quote the Apostle Paul.

Emmanuel, he is "God with us".  Not only has he promised us life, but he has promised to never leave.  Even when we can't feel him or see him.  He does not go.

I prayed over my boys...I sensed the Spirit with us, perhaps unseen angels above us.  Blane got a melatonin tablet too.  The sleep came soon.

Lately, God has been begging me to see beyond these dark places of the Shadowlands--these places my pensive mind seems to dwell.  Over and over, through circumstances and His word, through gentle whispers, he breathes, "This is only for a while--please remember this.  One day, it won't matter...it will seem as nothing."

Dear Lord, keep reminding me.  Let this day fix in my boys' minds the constancy of You and your glorious hope.  In the end, it will be all we have left, but it will be the only thing that matters.

The Blessing of Now

Yesterday, we witnessed a passage, of more than one kind.

Grandma Joann left this earth on Thanksgiving afternoon, November 28th, 2013.  The event of her death has also marked a chapter in our boys' lives, especially Blane's.

You see, he and Nana found her, just a few hours after she hugged him.  Likely, he was the last person on earth that she touched and spoke to.

She had been breathing heavily on the phone with Susie that morning.  Scott, Jay and Blane went to check on her.  She complained of a stomachache, but no signs pointed to any immediate danger.  Her pulse was normal.  They went for some Pepto Bismol to settle her, then said goodbye.

Susie called at four that afternoon.  No answer, but she was likely at the 4 o'clock dinner seating.  It would not be unusual for her to forget that she had a feast to go to that night.  A little while later, no answer again.  Susie and Greg took Blane and left to pick her up for dinner.

Susie said that she and Blane went into the apartment, before Greg came upstairs.  Blane saw Grandma a split second before Susie, but gratefully, Susie knew immediately what had happened, and directed him out of sight of the body.  Grandma was lying gently on the floor, peacefully.  The apple juice she had been drinking was still on the table, unspilled.  Her glasses were not askew...she had likely sunk down slowly to the floor or lain down of her own accord.

Blane was out in the hallway for quite a while while the building security, police and EMTs filed in and out.  Scott and Jay arrived, and ultimately came home for us.  Thanksgiving dinner at the Zanders was going to go on, but would be hosted by the Zanders's children instead.  

C.S. Lewis writes in the The Screwtape Letters that nothing is so much like eternity as the Present and God desires that we dwell there to the exclusion of the Past or Future. "He [God] would therefore have them [humans] continually concerned either with eternity (which means being concerned with him) or with the Present--either meditating on their eternal union with, or separation from, Himself, or else obeying the present voice of conscience, bearing the present cross, receiving the present grace, giving thanks for the present pleasure."  Yesterday cemented for all of us the importance of joy in the Now.  The gathering of our family was a joy.  We are here for today, perhaps not for tomorrow, but we can revel in these moments.