Conferences

Last Friday was conference day at the boys' school (no school on conference days). I dropped all the boys off at a friend's house and went to school. I had already gotten their report cards so I had a good idea of what our conferences would cover.



Zac's was first. The teacher sang his praises, and he's doing great in reading and math. She's going to begin providing him with math enrichment and he's in an accelerated reading group.



The funniest thing was her assessment of his nature. We all know our Zac, a man of few words(unless he feels they need to be said). She said, "I have learned so much about Zac from his journal! In class, he hardly ever says anything. He doesn't often participate in a class discussion. I don't know if he's shy, lacks confidence or what. Once I wrote him a note about how much I enjoyed reading his journal. I saw him open it, read it and fold it up and put it in his desk. His expression was flat."



I couldn't help chuckling inside--even though I wished he had thought to thank her later. I explained that Zac talks when he feels like he has something to say (it's pretty much always been that way, this kid of mine who didn't really talk until he was 3. I saw the wheels turning behind those brown eyes, a knowing twist of his mouth when I would talk to him, full comprehension expressed all over his face--but he would not give me the satisfaction of an answer. "Duh, " was all he would say. Well, this is the new "duh"). I explained that Zac usually gives one word answers when you ask him question (you have to ask the right questions to get the information out of him). When I told her about his one word answers when he's on the phone with his grandparents, things fell into place for her. It's just him, a Zac thing.



Organization is a problem, too. His desk has piles. That, unfortunately, is somewhat in the genes and is a skill to be learned. He will.

Oh, he also chews on his pencil excessively. Also in the genes (me).

Now for Seth...I had a pretty good idea of what we were going to talk about before I got in there. Hint...it is the opposite of Zac's "area for improvement".

So sweet Mrs. Owens began her conference asking, "Do you have any concerns or questions about Seth before we get started?" I discussed with her Seth's occasional hand tremor and that we would like the school O.T. to evaluate him. She agreed and told us she would contact her. More on that in a later post.

Seth, she explained, was doing great in reading and especially in math. He's being pulled out of class for math enrichment, just like Zac. Handwriting needs work, in part due to Seth's little shake. He's not forming his letters as well as he should and so she gave me some extra practice sheets for him to work on. Nothing surprising there.

Classroom behavior was the topic I was waiting for, and, as expected, it needs some refining. "Seth has a difficult time with staying in his seat and keeping quiet some days, " she said. (How surprising). "Some days he focuses well and writes really creative things in his journal." She showed me a page. "And then some days, he's off his game." She showed me a page with poor handwriting and an incomplete sentence. "At first, I thought it was just me, so I slipped some paper clips in my pocket one day and moved them to the other pocket whenever Seth got up or spoke out of turn. It was 13 times that day." (Eek.) To refocus him, she sometimes moves him up by her desk.

Competition is also an area where Seth strains the bounds of appropriateness. "He's always the first in, first out with his work. Sometimes the work he turns in is done too fast." (This is an area I can finally not blame on me...apparently, it's all Papa's fault.) She said Seth is often a bit hard in his "judgement" of other peers. I asked if Seth was having problems with other kids. She said, "Not really. It's more that when he wins or completes something, he says things like,' I won!' and other things like that. He just tends to take things one step too far." (Yep, that's Seth's middle name: Seth 'One-Step-too-Far' Harnden)." Oh, this kid of mine!

Seth also keeps her on her toes, always reminding Mrs. Owens of the next thing to do (kind of like a short, button-nosed perky alarm clock). Not necessarily a bad thing, I guess, but very funny.

We decided to enact some positive reinforcement to help each kid with their "areas". Zac and Seth each earn 20 minutes of computer time each day if Zac participates in class and Seth makes it through the day without getting a warning for talking or getting up.

So far, this seems to be working. Zac has been speaking up more in class (and we sent him to school with mechanical pencils so he won't be quite as inclined to gnaw). Seth has gone through two days with no warnings (he gets a little sticky note "report" from the teacher every day).

Seth petulantly wanted to know why he had the hard job and Zac had the easy job. After all, who wouldn't want to talk in class? We had to explain to him that it was hard for Zac to talk in class just like it was hard for him to restrain himself. I don't know if that fully satisfied him, but he hasn't asked since.

Omaha

We just got back from a long weekend trip to Omaha. I had a celiac conference that I was attending, and Scott and the boys came along to go to the zoo, which we had heard was one of the best in the country.

The boys have been talking about this for some time, and were not disappointed. I'll have Scott blog about the time at the zoo, since I was in the conference at that time. But I can talk about the other things that happened.

The drive from KC to Omaha is a bit over 3 hours, through some lovely country, believe it or not. I find northwestern Missouri absolutely charming. The interstate travels along the floodplain of the Missouri, between the river and the bluffs that rise outside the path of the river. The hills were rocky and rolling, and in the midst of changing color. Every so often you saw a sweet red barn, technically in need of a paint job, but perfect in my view. Other things I saw: several McCain-Palin signs, a big "Trust Jesus" and "Choose Life" sign in the middle of a field, and a lovely cemetery on a green hillside that faces the western sun. I could be buried there, I think.

Halfway along the trip, we crossed into Iowa. Now, I've never spent much time in Iowa (never had a reason to!) Iowa seemed to be, well, Iowa. I was neither impressed nor unimpressed with it. I'm sure there is more to see, like the bridges and the rolling fields, Des Moines and all that. We came into Council Bluffs, IA, which is the twin city to Omaha across the Missouri (I was not aware of that until recently--the things you learn when you travel!). Omaha, overall, seemed okay. They had a really nice River Market area. But it is considerably smaller than KC, with a much different, more small town feel. Just for the record, I found Lincoln to be much prettier when we drove through it when moving, but it was summer then.

The conference was in an Embassy Suites in La Vista, a western suburb. The hotel was lovely--a cut above the places we usually stay (we got a deal with the conference). We had a suite, flat screen TV's, a slick bathroom, newspaper in the morning and a complimentary all-out hot buffet breakfast for everyone (GF for the conference, of course). Seth planted himself in a chair when we got there and declared, "I feel like a prince!" You are, baby.

I can't tell you how exciting it was to have a breakfast buffet that we didn't have to worry about for the boys' sake! The hotel did a very nice job, and the second day, Zac pushed back from the table and declared with his usual Zackiness, "That was the best breakfast I've had since I've been here." The boys (especially Seth) loved the Exhibition Hall because they had lots of food samples, mostly sweets and bread. Seth is looking forward to getting the free box of GF corn flakes that he made me sign up for.

It sounds weird, doesn't it, to be so excited about food? But that's how it is, this condition--it circumscribes your life in ways you can't imagine until eating GF becomes necessary. I had a mix of emotions at this conference--fear for our non-celiac family (and myself) because of the way this disease can mask itself completely for years while it does quiet damage, elation that Zac and Seth were diagnosed so quickly that their risk of complications is greatly reduced compared to most celiac adults, sadness to see many crippled, hunched, thin and sickly people there, but encouragement at the large number of very normal, healthy people there as well. One speaker talked about the blessing of a disability--how it makes you more dependent on God, more compassionate, more other-centered. How very true. And the boys aren't sick--no, it's just a condition for them, no more than hay fever is considered an illness. It affects us significantly, no doubt, but it has been a blessing in its own way, for all of us. And if this is the worst that ever happens to us, I'll take celiac, happily throw in across my shoulder and thank God that that's our burden. It is nothing compared to what so many suffer.

More on the zoo from Scott when he gets a chance.

Mr. York

Mr. York came to visit this weekend. He had a free United ticket and was kind enough to come see us out here in the heartland. We hope next time Volyn and the kids can join us--we had a fabulous time.

We dropped the kids off at a friends house and went to Oklahoma Joe's BBQ, which I think might be better than Jack Stack. I think I still have a piece of onion ring lodged in my aorta. But at least I'll die happy.

Saturday, Miss Maddy (the boys' second cousin) came to play while Scott and Rich went to brunch. We took a little trip to downtown and Union Station after Ty picked her up. They were building the annual holiday miniture train setup, so the boys had a great time looking for their favorite engines and sets.

On Sunday, we went to Waldo's after church, which the boys loved, of course. Sunday night was Life Group, but Rich stayed home to unwind while we went. Scott took him to the airport this morning on his way to work.

We had many conversations over the weekend about the split, of course. It's amazing how your perspective changes over time--we analyzed it to death while we were going through it, but did not, of course, have the benefit of hindsight. It is not my intention to re-discuss any details in this blog--doing so accomplishes nothing helpful and bores most of you anyway. What happened happened, and we now live a different life because of it. But it is faith-building to look back now, two + years from those events and see how God led us personally to a better place (in the material sense to some degree, but more in the spiritual and relational sense). The Yorks can say the same thing, as can many of us who lived through it. Scott and I wonder, in some ways, if the split had not been so dramatic, if we would have contemplated a move at all. A sobering thought now.

That is not so say that God did it all so we could personally benefit. I think He had bigger intentions in so decisively swinging the hammer down. Everyone is told their own story, not someone else's, to paraphrase C. S. Lewis' Aslan. But God, in His faithfulness, has provided and guided us to a "spacious country", if you'll indulge a touch of romance. Such a support, such a comfort, to be so intimately cared for...

Them birds is singin', but I can't make out the song...

Seth had been watching a kid's video with Zac the other day. He came to me and said, "Mom, can we please watch the bluebirds?"

Bluebirds....bluebirds...what does that mean in kidspeak? I thought. "Bluebirds?" I repeated.

"Yeah, Mom," he replied. "You know, the part at the end where they show the mess-ups?"

Ohhhhh.....bloopers.

Park Day

Blane has been talking for two weeks about a playdate with Lauren Masters (cue angelic music and fireworks). Blane LOVES Lauren. He can never say just "Lauren"; her first and last name are always attached to each other: "Laurenmasters".

We had to reschedule our first playdate because I had double-booked. I had promised to pull weeds at the church (see a previous post). Anyway, we got it worked out.

The only way Blane really can mark time is by counting how many times he "sleeps" or goes to bed. That's a very concrete marker for him to envision. So he counted down the days to play with Laurenmasters.

The day arrived and we went to the park. Lauren came running from the playground yelling, "BLANE!!!!!"

They played together wonderfully while her mother and I talked and kept her younger sister occupied. They picked berries off a bush and planted them for a while. Then we went to the duck pond. For some reason, Blane climbed off a rock and stepped into the nasty water. I don't know what possessed him to do that--maybe love.

We walked across a narrow neck of the pond on wide concrete posts--we had to step carefully from post to post. I followed Blane to prevent a repeat of stepping in the water--though by the look on his face, I needn't have worried. Then, on the far side of the pond, Lauren and Blane found a huge green bullfrog sitting on a lilypad! They crouched down and watched the froggy for a few minutes, then fed the geese and ducks some pretzels. Blane made the rookie mistake of holding out a pretzel for a big Canada goose, which nearly took his fingers off. From then on, he threw the pretzels.

We went back, ate our lunch together, and let the kids play a bit longer. Then it was time to go. Blane was crestfallen (in part, because another little boy at the park had tried to "scare" them). But mostly, he just couldn't believe it was time to stop playing with Lauren. He had a pout session for a while, and deparately wanted me to buy a toy for him at Goodwill, which is where I went next. I told him no and he melted down. He got over it in time, but it cracked me up that two hours with Laurenmasters wasn't enough for him...

Chiefs Game

Since I last wrote, the older boys and Scott went to a Chiefs game on Sept. 28. A man associated with Scott's clinic had season tickets and didn't want to go that week. Lucky, lucky...the Chiefs just happened to be playing Denver.

I feared a bit for the life and limb of Seth in particular, having to sit in Chiefs territory while cheering for their arch-rivals. He can be loud, obnoxious and rowdy (and he would not even be drunk). But it all worked out okay. Except the Chiefs won, which was a huge shocker.

Seth and the other two guys arrived home--bummed about the game--but safe and sound, limbs intact.