This Vale of Tears

And now, the processing begins.

The boys have lost great-grandparents before, two prior.  Losing Grandma Joann was not tragic and only momentarily a surprise.  The circumstances surrounding her death could hardly be more ideal...an apparently peaceful passing, independent living up until the day she died, nearly all the family in town for Thanksgiving.

And yet, it was different.  Blane found her.  It changes the situation for all of us, but especially for him.

He was his normal, happy, 9-year-old self last night with the family.  Skipping, drawing, gliding from family member to family member to show them his cartoons.  "He was a trouper," said Uncle Michael, "and I wouldn't say that unless it was really true."

But...this is not a small thing.

Last night, he was snuggled in bed, Zac beside him (since Jay was in Zac's room).  "Mom," he said, "I'm freaked out.  I saw a dead body."  He didn't know if he could sleep.

The human condition--how did we become so sheltered from it?  I cannot, should not, shield my boys.  Far greater suffering is ahead, likely tragedy and the brutal injustice of life.  It cannot be brushed aside; it must be faced.

I told him it was completely normal to be freaked out.  This life is hard.  But this is not where we will stay. We have hope; these are "light and momentary troubles" compared to eternity, to quote the Apostle Paul.

Emmanuel, he is "God with us".  Not only has he promised us life, but he has promised to never leave.  Even when we can't feel him or see him.  He does not go.

I prayed over my boys...I sensed the Spirit with us, perhaps unseen angels above us.  Blane got a melatonin tablet too.  The sleep came soon.

Lately, God has been begging me to see beyond these dark places of the Shadowlands--these places my pensive mind seems to dwell.  Over and over, through circumstances and His word, through gentle whispers, he breathes, "This is only for a while--please remember this.  One day, it won't matter...it will seem as nothing."

Dear Lord, keep reminding me.  Let this day fix in my boys' minds the constancy of You and your glorious hope.  In the end, it will be all we have left, but it will be the only thing that matters.

The Blessing of Now

Yesterday, we witnessed a passage, of more than one kind.

Grandma Joann left this earth on Thanksgiving afternoon, November 28th, 2013.  The event of her death has also marked a chapter in our boys' lives, especially Blane's.

You see, he and Nana found her, just a few hours after she hugged him.  Likely, he was the last person on earth that she touched and spoke to.

She had been breathing heavily on the phone with Susie that morning.  Scott, Jay and Blane went to check on her.  She complained of a stomachache, but no signs pointed to any immediate danger.  Her pulse was normal.  They went for some Pepto Bismol to settle her, then said goodbye.

Susie called at four that afternoon.  No answer, but she was likely at the 4 o'clock dinner seating.  It would not be unusual for her to forget that she had a feast to go to that night.  A little while later, no answer again.  Susie and Greg took Blane and left to pick her up for dinner.

Susie said that she and Blane went into the apartment, before Greg came upstairs.  Blane saw Grandma a split second before Susie, but gratefully, Susie knew immediately what had happened, and directed him out of sight of the body.  Grandma was lying gently on the floor, peacefully.  The apple juice she had been drinking was still on the table, unspilled.  Her glasses were not askew...she had likely sunk down slowly to the floor or lain down of her own accord.

Blane was out in the hallway for quite a while while the building security, police and EMTs filed in and out.  Scott and Jay arrived, and ultimately came home for us.  Thanksgiving dinner at the Zanders was going to go on, but would be hosted by the Zanders's children instead.  

C.S. Lewis writes in the The Screwtape Letters that nothing is so much like eternity as the Present and God desires that we dwell there to the exclusion of the Past or Future. "He [God] would therefore have them [humans] continually concerned either with eternity (which means being concerned with him) or with the Present--either meditating on their eternal union with, or separation from, Himself, or else obeying the present voice of conscience, bearing the present cross, receiving the present grace, giving thanks for the present pleasure."  Yesterday cemented for all of us the importance of joy in the Now.  The gathering of our family was a joy.  We are here for today, perhaps not for tomorrow, but we can revel in these moments.  

New

Today is a day long awaited by a parent...the day when a son makes a lifetime decision to follow Jesus.

Surrounded by family and friends, Zac was baptized by Scott this morning about 9:45am, between first service and class.  Sue Mullican read a portion of Romans 6, Jim Trotter prayed for Zac's blessing with his hand on my boy's shoulder and Scott immersed him (actually, it was a double-dip--Scott didn't quite get him all the way under the first time and, being Scott, wanted to make extra sure to get him covered--hence, a quick deeper dip).

It is a beautiful, wonderful thing to witness a replacing of ashes for beauty.  Though I think of my boys as innocent, I know that sin is always hounding us, and early.  Zac is earnest and a thinker...always mulling and processing.  He knows he has blame, and wants the washing of Jesus--a new life and a ransom for the old one.

When Zac was just a baby, we visited Kansas City from Hays.  At the time, Scott's grandparents attended Red Bridge Church of Christ, and we were with them one Sunday morning.  After services, Scott's grandmother Effie lead me back to the prayer room with Zac.  There she prayed a blessing for him.  I still remember the tears of gratitude that filled my eyes that day.  I wanted so much for my child to know God above all other things.  Today fulfills our prayer in that room 13 years ago.

It is a good, good day.

Warm Food on a Cold Morning

Today we and some other families from church went downtown to work at HopeFaith Ministries, which offers services for the homeless in Kansas City. Volunteers purchase and cook breakfast for 300 homeless or underprivileged people. We decided it was important enough for the kids to miss a morning of school.

After a slow start (we waited in the cold along with the homeless for 45 min because no one could figure out where the key to the building was), we all packed into a tiny commercial kitchen and chaos ensued. Somehow we managed to bake 500 + canned biscuits, reconstitute and heat 20+ gallons of gravy with sausage, fry hashbrowns and open canned fruit in a place that had half a working griddle, a questionable gas oven and a six burner commercial range. Whew! I felt like we were on Dinner Impossible.

It was a great experience to talk with and serve the people. They were all appreciative and the kids filled the plates and handed it to each one who came through the line. It was certainly eye opening to be in a place so different from a nicely ordered (at least on the outside) Johnson County. I hope we can keep involved in this world as the kids grow up.

At the end, Blane whispered to me, "Mom! Can I keep the hairnet and gloves?" Ah, it's great to be six!

Home Again

We came home this morning, leaving St. Louis around 10:30 am. We had a nice drive home, a little family devo tonight, and begin the washing and preparing for next week. A lovely fall break, and we're glad to be home safe!

City Museum

Day 2 in St. Louis started delightfully lazy. We all went to bed at a decent time and "slept in" until 8:30--wow! After enjoying our complimentary hot breakfast (Z and S brought their cereal down), we set off for City Museum, which was probably the highlight of our trip.

City Museum is a funky, crazy maze of reclaimed items from the city of St. Louis. Outside, there are probably a thousand feet of wire, rebar and old steel bent into impossible tunnels, steps, slides and the like. There are two old airplanes that you can climb up to in a wire-enclosed tube. It's truly an engineering marvel. There are two gigantic ball pits as well (Seth lost his shoe for a while in one). Tunnels and walkways widen and narrow, but always stay safe (unlike, say, Bishop's Castle!) The designs are whimsical, and almost seem Dr. Seuss inspired. Needless to say, the boys (and we) had a marvelous time climbing around.

Inside, there are beautiful mosaics (also from reclaimed items, I suppose) covering the floors and the walls. Serpents, chameleons, fish...it's all there. There was a slide from the second to the first floor in case you didn't want to go down the stairs. We explored all three floors and decided to grab lunch before we attended the circus (yes, circus!) at 1 pm.

The circus is on the 3rd floor of the museum. It's actually a circus arts school for children and adults. I wasn't expecting a lot, but was delighted at the perfomance. All of the performers looked to be 20 or younger, with some looking no older than Seth and maybe even Blane! Those kids were dancing on balls, juggling, flipping everywhere, performing acrobatics and were pros at working the crowd (even the little guy was a natural showman). I was very impressed with their talent.

Afterwards, we explored the cave system on the first floor. Again, it was a boy's wonderland, with wormholes everywhere, but you were always safe. I decided to go down the 10 story slide. All I can say is...it was bumpy, and maybe my best sliding days are behind me! Very fun to have done it though.

After the caves, we traipsed through the upper level again, painting pictures in the art center and watching the boys play around with sponge building blocks in the building area. Seems like there was something new to discover around every corner! Exhausted, dirty but smiling, we piled into the car at about 3:30 to take a little rest at the hotel before dinner.

We crashed for a little bit, then made plans to swing by Union Station on our way to Pi Pizzaria, which had GF pizza. The Union Station complex is much bigger than Kansas City's, and more commercially developed, with a mall attached. We walked around the shops and Scott and the boys took a paddleboat ride on a little pond in the back of Union Station. We went into the Grand Hall and marveled at the beautiful architecture and details. We even went to the "Whispering Arch", which is an accoustical novelty--you can whisper into the wall at one end and someone can hear you (very well, I might add!) at the other end of the arch.

We finished out the day at Pi's with some really great GF pizza, which made the boys happy and crashed in the hotel, where we watched "Remember the Titans" on TV.

630

Six hundred and thirty--the number of feet the pinnacle of the Arch rises from the ground. It took about 5 minutes of our family sitting in a space-aged pod to reach the top. Scott and Seth were a little nervous about the height before they got up there, but it's quite secure of course. My favorite part is that they angled and carpeted the walls up to the windows, so you can basically lean your body flat against the angle and stare out for as long as you want to--very comfortable and kid-friendly. We saw the beautiful fall colors of the trees in the city, Union Station farther up the Gateway Mall and, turning to our east, Old Man River. We saw the barges pushing their freight around, the currents of the river, and Illinois on the other side (we'd been warned not to end up in East St. Louis, of "Honkie Lips" fame).

Funny thing, we only stayed up there about 5 minutes. Once you've seen the view, you've seen it, and there isn't much else you can do up there (it's an arch, after all). So down we went in our space pod, this time with a little less trepidation, because we had done that before.

After reaching the ground, we went to the Museum of Westward Expansion. This is a beautiful museum organized in the shape of a spiral (though it was a little confusing knowing where to start. It told the story of America's growth from the viewpoint of the white men and the natives, following the route of the Corps of Discovery until they reached the Pacific as well as more general expansion westward in the years following Lewis and Clark's trip. Since I was following Seth and Blane around, I'm not sure I got the most cohesive view of the whole thing. But the artifacts and displays were beautiful, and I loved seeing the pictures of all the different camps, especially those in Idaho, of course. It made me nostalgic. I suppose it's easy to romanticize the trip now, seeing how it wasn't me struggling through the snow, eating roots and toting a papoose on my back. But it was truly THE adventure of a lifetime for Lewis, Clark, Sacajawea and the men with them.

After going out to gaze at the Mississippi for a few minutes and watching the helicopter tours take off, we started back for the hotel. We had to cross several busy streets. A couple who was ahead of us started crossing after the "walk" sign came up when a car careened through a red light, narrowly missing the woman. We were all in shock, but the lady was thankfully unharmed. It served as an opportunity to remind the boys to always look before crossing, even when you think it is safe.